This up and down is tough. So many genuinely nice people, yet still with a selfishness that could dishearten even Gandhi himself. Maybe I'm the selfish one though, requesting people to have the slightest inkling of interest in my dreams. I've been repeatedly ruined by my friends and family. Why should I expect any better from complete strangers? I guess I just thought someone could have that moment that I had at 15 seeing Rocky Votolato the first time. I guess I just thought that someone could recognize what I see as my genuine, kind-hearted manner. I guess after being pushed out so much, it just comes off as a bitter bite.
The chances haven't been given, but why would I expect someone to take that chance on me. I'd love for these words to change someone, but it seems that isn't my fate. I wasn't made to weather these perpetual downs, with the occasional rare up thrown in. I can't even spend one day sitting inside this head without falling apart inside. The pessimism isn't the problem, the reaffirmation made by reality is the kick in the gut.
I can settle in and give it up, or you can just keep kicking.
NP:
Anniversary Club every night
2 comments:
you don't always know who is listening or who you've inspired. don't be bitter about the singularity of your experience, can't be mad at your self for being so limited, it's how we're made. and maybe you show other people shit they wouldn't see otherwise but they can't tell you about. this isn't a preach, it's a hand on the shoulder from one person who doesn't want a hand on their shoulder to another.
hmmm, yeah, actually... these words, whilst I wouldn't say they 'changed' me, triggered something within me.
thanks.
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