Now and forever

In the unbearable heat of the Kansas summer nights, I really knew these songs. Driving everywhere but with no place to go, these songs really spoke to me. I hear the late summer sun one hour after it sets, the way it casts an eerie glow over everything you see.

The older we get, the darker the nights seem. I swear that it's the truth.
With every passing year, another star burns out to black.
Soon enough we'll all be standing in the dark of night terrified for our lives.
Terrified for ourselves; terrified of ourselves.

I'm sure, though, that we'll learn to illuminate the eves with our steadfast nature. A beacon of light protruding from our never hindered souls. We are bigger than all of this. Or so you think we are. With nature on our side, we can do no wrong. With God on our side, we will always prosper. Tongue in cheek.
But wait! Aren't we in the middle of this game? The game of who has it worse. We seem to have such an insatiable affinity to the game.

You aren't worth saving. But neither am I.

What's the point of friends when they just destroy you in the end?

TNT

Consider me the next Ben Barnett

Hair Stalk

I've had a lot of friends, and I've lost most of them.
I left them sitting in the gutters of the streets that they grew up on

I live in my own singularity. I wish to embrace and accept that fact.

NOW PLAYING:
Bon Iver's "For Emma, Forever Ago"
Whiskeytown's "Stranger's Almanac"
Pianos Become the Teeth's "Saltwater"

Sometimes it just gets easier to breathe when you’re breathing alone. I guess companionship is useless anyways.

Roading

This up and down is tough. So many genuinely nice people, yet still with a selfishness that could dishearten even Gandhi himself. Maybe I'm the selfish one though, requesting people to have the slightest inkling of interest in my dreams. I've been repeatedly ruined by my friends and family. Why should I expect any better from complete strangers? I guess I just thought someone could have that moment that I had at 15 seeing Rocky Votolato the first time. I guess I just thought that someone could recognize what I see as my genuine, kind-hearted manner. I guess after being pushed out so much, it just comes off as a bitter bite.

The chances haven't been given, but why would I expect someone to take that chance on me. I'd love for these words to change someone, but it seems that isn't my fate. I wasn't made to weather these perpetual downs, with the occasional rare up thrown in. I can't even spend one day sitting inside this head without falling apart inside. The pessimism isn't the problem, the reaffirmation made by reality is the kick in the gut.

I can settle in and give it up, or you can just keep kicking.



NP:
Anniversary Club every night

Feared or revered, broken or healed. We all learn to be our own in time.

Era

As far as i'm concerned, all good things must come to an end. And, as far as I can tell, the end of an era is an end, no matter how bitter or joyous that end may be. But who's to say one good thing ever came out? Who's to say that the materialization of all our trials and tribulations ever reached one positive outcome?

And who's to say that an end to what is familiar will ever change a thing?
Though we find ourselves in different homes and surrounded by different lives, we still remain forever stagnant in our ways. No matter where we lay our heads, we will forever perpetuate the things that truly make us quake. Sixty miles between the now and then, yet still the late night self-loathing ensues. Still, we are haunted by our own misfortunes. By our own mistakes. Though we may go home to reverse the past, we may never reverse the things that meant so much in the nights of years ago.

Get bolder

This day to day kills me. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. Its easier to just fall in line with the faults that we've come to expect than to attempt or expect or enact change. But I don't need your artificial pity. Insincerity at its finest. It seems you probably need me a lot more than I need you. In fact I don't need you at all. Self-interest and conceit, feigned cordiality and empty charisma are the things that are truly rewarded in this life. In the end, sincerity and integrity just go unnoticed. Every good person dies bitter and alone.

Give up, get bitter, get over, go home.



FCK YR NYZE


NOW PLAYING:
I Hate Myself's "Complete Discography"
Hunter/Gatherer's "Low Standards For High Fives"
La Dispute's "Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair"
Cross My Heart's "Temporary Contemporary"
Arcade Fire's "Funeral"
A Day in Black and White's "My Heroes Have Always Killed Cowboys"

Cope

I know the sink and the rot gut feeling, "is this happening to me?" And I know what it's like to want to end it all. Driving home between the lines in the road, I swear that i've been through this before. When nothing makes much sense except for doing yourself in. Everything is hard to hold when we're hit in the heart with problems that won't shift. It's hard to admit that we're afraid, when we're hit in the head with unanswered questions that repeat "how could I ever live after this day?"

We can take the hits and grow tougher, collect ourselves to live longer, and find there is no need to be afraid. Because we all have more to offer when we struggle, to cope with whatever it takes to make the sayings "we all have what it takes to make it home."


NOW PLAYING:
Hot Water Music's "No Division"

Scared/Scarred

I'm pretty sure I've never been this scared.
Not ever

1990s

www.fuckyeahemo.tumblr.com


Check it

Life Love Lies

Wake alone
Live alone
Sleep alone
Die alone

Be loved, and live with it
Love no one and truly live

Commitments to others/places/ideas are just burdens. Burdens on selfishness, burdens on experiences, burdens on freedom, burdens on spontaneity. Burdens on fullness, burdens on feelings, burdens on the past, burdens on the present, and burdens on the future. Burdens on an open mind.

To truly live a life, you must act in singularity. No reliance on others, no reliance on others, no reliance on others. This is not a necessity. If you can not live to be your own person, how will you live at all?

I'm just a lost soul, so are you perhaps?
Wandering through the mundane facets of a faulted life
Pre-conceived notions, expectations
Dank submission

Enjoy the real world, i'll be living

Love not, for you will not live
OR
Live not, for you will not die alone

Choose your fate



NOW PLAYING:
La Dispute's "Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair"
Harrison Bergeron's "Harrison Bergeron"
Pg. 99's "Document #1-14"
Hemyah's "Epiphany Series"
Khonnor's "Handwriting"
Grand Archives's "Keep in Mind, Frankenstein"
Ryan Adams's "Suicide Handbook"

Summer sends

So I think I may have seen the last lightning bug of the season. Autumn, winter, spring, summer. I guess that makes a year of noting, a year of nothing, a year of yawns, a year of deep sighs, a year of far too many cigarettes. Just a year. Really, how many more like this can I take? I guess the best of the worst, at the very least, has been this musical abomination. But I keep rolling, moving forward. As far as I can tell, I've become a better person, I've grown up, I've grown absolutely accustomed to the severe and utter lacking.


NOW PLAYING:
S's "Puking & Crying"
Rainer Maria's "Long Knives Drawn"
Blacklisted's "Heavier Than Heaven, Lonelier Than God"
Hot Water Music's "A Flight and a Crash"
Matchbox 20's "Yourself or Someone Like You"
Touche Amore's "Touche Amore"
Fugazi's "Repeater"
American Nightmare's "Year One"
Leonard Cohen's "The Essential Leonard Cohen"

Death is apparent

The older we get, the darker each and every night really seems. I swear that it's the truth.
With every passing year, another star burns out to black.
Soon enough we'll all be standing in the dark of night terrified for our lives.
Terrified for ourselves; terrified of ourselves.

Stream of consciousness:
I'm sure, though, that we'll learn to illuminate the eves with our steadfast nature. We have ingenuity, we have level heads. A beacon of light protruding from our never hindered souls. We are bigger than all of this. Or so you seem think we are. With nature on our side, we can do no wrong. With God on our side, we will always prosper. Tongue in cheek.
We will always conquer.
We will always be on the right side. With that said, we can do no wrong.
Righteous, pious, and true.
Atone for your wrong doings. That is all you need. No remorse, no accountability.
No necessity to act.

But wait! Aren't we all just in the middle of this game? The game of "who has it worse." We seem to have such an insatiable affinity to the game. Suffering is key to get ahead. But suffering is key to feigning a life of mocked trials and tribulations.
A disgusting game. Easy life, you lose. Hard life, your fault. Lose/lose situation.
Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. OR
Falsify your sentence, make yourself suffer for the sake of your art, and for the story you will tell. Charm and wit and a gaping hole in your face (a gorgeous smile). This is how to get by.
Your life is hard or it is easy.

DO NOT INFLICT PAIN
DO NOT THINK OF YOURSELF
DO NOT ACT CALLOUSLY
DO NOT SLEEP EASY AT NIGHT
DO NOT SLEEP AT ALL
DON'T OPT FOR EASE

MAKE WHAT IS NECESSARY
MAKE A CHANGE
KILL ALL EMOTION
ELECT LOGIC
ELECT MORALITY
ELECT KINDNESS

You aren't worth saving. Neither am I.
Save the world before you save yourself.



NOW PLAYING:
Envy's "Abyssal"
Rainer Maria's "Long Knives Drawn"
Modest Mouse's "No One's First and You're Next"
Park's "It Won't Snow Where You're Going"
Benton Falls's "Guilt Beats Hate"
Small Brown Bike's "Nail Yourself to the Ground"
Further Seems Forever's "The Moon Is Down"

A Colder, Blacker Destination

All the integrity in the world just isn't worth the heart ache.

My mother always told me, "You must fight for what you believe in."
My grandfather always told me, "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well."
Don't believe a god-damned word of it. The whole fucking world is a hideous, dirty, selfish, back stabbing shit hole.

I'll tell you what I wish they had told me.
First off, don't ever fight for a thing. You get what you put in; sheer bull shit in the end. Nothing will ever come of it. You will put all of yourself into something, and just get shafted at the end of the day. Nothing will ever amount to the expectations you place, when you actually truly put yourself into that worthy struggle. No one else possesses the ability or desire to meet you even half way. That is, unless their own personal and selfish goals momentarily align with your true and just intents.
Secondly, nothing is worth doing well. You won't ever get so much as a thank you. Master the art of bull-shit, master the art of small talk, master the art of self interest, master the art of charm, master the art of lying under the feigned guise of ignorance. These are the things that will get you everywhere and everything.

Fuck your ideals. Learn how to be cute and charming. That is all you need to get by. Nothing that is preached is practiced and nothing considered sacred is truly valued. Integrity is dead, chivalry is dead, morality is dead. Fake your way out of all the things that are difficult. Never confront anything, never put any of yourself into anything. This is the key to happiness. Just make yourself too damn dumb to know any better.

Give up now, and compromise what it is that you truly, or just claim to believe in.

Alone, miserable and proud. Or completely content and stupid enough to be happy in your comfortably numb state. Do drugs, get drunk, eat McDonalds, watch reruns, find faith in a storybook savior. You won't be happy either way; but at least with the latter set of suggestions, you're just too dumb to know any better.

Never care about anything. It only ends in heart br(ache).







For the meek few, honesty remains though. As hard as you try to push it away, you know it will always be waiting and rearing with the strength of one thousand horses. At least know that you are in the good graces and company of such warriors as Chris Simpson and myself. All vanity aside, it's just that I know no others fitting of this description.

I STAND ON A BUILDING AND THROW UP MY ARMS TO THE SKY/I SWALLOW MY PRIDE AND ADMIT THAT IT'S NOT ALWAYS BEST TO UNDERSTAND THE REASONS WHY/IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE/WHEN YOU KNOW YOU LIED YOURSELF TO SLEEP TO MAKE IT BETTER/I KNOW I'VE GOT TO LIVE MY LIFE/ROLL AROUND ON THE GROUND AND FEEL THE STRIFE/I WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU TAUGHT ME TO STAND ON THESE RUBBER LEGS AND FIGHT/I TRY TO SPEAK BUT THE TEARS CHOK THE WORDS/I THINK I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THY TALK ABOUT JOY

WHEN I'M FINALLY NAKED AND STANDING IN THE SUNLIGHT, I'LL LOOK BACK AT ALL THIS SELFISHNESS AND FOOLISH PRIDE AND LAUGH AT MYSELF


Now Playing;
Mineral's "The Power of Failing"
Mineral's "EndSerenading"
The Gloria Record's "The Gloria Record"
The Gloria Record's "A Lull in Traffic"